i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
