Don't make out with my wife yet
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
