SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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