i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
