Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
