hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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