i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
All the doctor said was why
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
