the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
