And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
They have beer where we have blood.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
