Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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