I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
