Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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