i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
