your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
