I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I currently don't understand fingers.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize