when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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