Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
