why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Randomize
