you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
