My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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