last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
