Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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