Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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