Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
