I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
