Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
