She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
