How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
