sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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