Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
