I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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