cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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