My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
