I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Randomize
