so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
