You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
