Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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