I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
