I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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