Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
