dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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