I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
