is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
