ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
