I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
