Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Congratulations! We have a period
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
