shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
