So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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