He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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