we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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