I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
