My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
