hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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