So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
