what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
