I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
