and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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