She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
