She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They have beer where we have blood.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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