I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
