Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
