So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
