Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
