am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
