Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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