i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
