You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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