I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
