Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
