My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
