she looked like the before picture.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
