He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
There are leaves in my underwear?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
