Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize