His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
