she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
