gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
