so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
