we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
