Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize