I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
