I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
