If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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