I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
