lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
