She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize