you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
