Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you

(386): View more from Florida

girlfriend?

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(217): View more from Illinois

Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.

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(253): View more from Washington

I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.

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(845): View more from New York

Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands

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(443): View more from Maryland

She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me

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(406): View more from Montana

I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one

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(313): View more from Michigan

so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo

(330): View more from Ohio

Like I don't even know how to respond to this?

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