According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Can you bring me the toilet please
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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