brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You can't motorboat a personality
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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