she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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