I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
