Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
