So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
