i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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